downslow's Xanga

up to the surface for a breather...

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 09:40:02 GMT

hallo everybuddy sorry for falling off the face of the planet... we've been extremely under-staffed recently so i've been working more efficiently (i.e. much less msn-ing, surfing and blogging at work) and working extra hours. i predict that this trend will last quite a while... until maybe next march when my whole team is completely on-board. in the meantime... the joy of the Lord is my strength! =)

here is a quick and dirty update of the happy-s and not-too-happy-s, in the order as it pops up into my mind:

happy: for my birthday my colleagues gave me a kitten, i've named him nemo. he is the most adorable roly poly ball of fur that hasn't learnt how to walk yet... in the sense that he 'bounces' or 'sprints' from place to place instead of walking normally like a cat ought to. i suppose his legs are too short. here are some pix:

happy: because of nemo, i found a perfect maid, cuz i need someone to take care of him when i am on biz trips and at work. hence she comes to my apartment every weekday to clean-up, do my laundry, help me run errands... the joy of cheap labor... i am *so spoiled*...

not-so-happy: after owning nemo for exactly 14 days, i had to give him away because i am highly allergic to him. in fact within 15 minutes of being around him i start sneezing uncontrollably, get teary-eyed and my throat swells up. the fact that i was able to bear that for 2 weeks is already quite impressive. but it was really unfair to him (cuz i can't pet him & play with him) and unfair to me (cuz..well...i can't breathe) so i gave him away yesterday =(

happy: when i see this, cuz it is funny. (totally stolen from threadless) hope this makes you happy too =)

happy: when you are living in the fullness of life that God intended for you, you exprience an inexpressible and inexplicable joy. i always thought it would take living-in-a-mansion-in-italy-throwing-the-coolest-dinner-parties-and-often-jet-setting-to-paris-for-shopping-sprees to make me happy. but right now, living a life of obedience (largely) to God and what He has called me to, has been so...wholly satisfying. i don't know how to explain it. i remember one saturday a few weeks ago, where i woke up early, had some quiet time, then had lunch with my colleagues, went to a fellowship gathering in the gz botanical park, had dinner at some random street stall, went to a home church service, then walked around the streets of gz with a close friend of mine talking about God... it was a day that simple. but it was one of the most satisfying and enjoyable days i've ever had in my life. and it struck me that if God knows so much better than me what it takes for me to experience the 100% fullness of life as it was intended to be, how can i possibly still find it so difficult to trust Him?

not-so-happy: 2 of my colleagues who are in my girls' care group are leaving to better and brighter futures with God somewhere else...sob... pray that God will bring more believers / convert more seekers and help our group grow! =)

happy: i know gz so much better now! i have one of those handy dandy octopus-card-doot-thingies that can be used in the mtr, bus, convenience store and taxis (woot!!). i've gone hiking 4 times on various trails, ridden this random cart-down-a-metal-slide-contraption (fun but not nearly fast enough), gone to ikea like 6 times (and hence have lots of rubbishy knick-knacks now), cooked soup at home, and started to eat breakfast every morning (self-prepared!). most importantly i know all these great restaurants with super cheap and delicious food. if anyone comes and visits me here, i will throw in a free, 100% satisfaction guaranteed meal. oh and i actually have friends outside of work. mind-boggling... haha.

not-so-happy: i gained maybe about... 10 pounds. at least it keeps me warm in the winter. ;)

happy: i have a secret project in the works. but i can't tell until it happens. tee hee hee... stay posted for updates!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 10:44:29 GMT

aha i just had to post this... it made me crack up at least 5 times today. hahaha. so funny. sooo funny.

minor edit that is... err.. somewhat related : Submission Guidelines for our Refrigerator Door

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 15:14:20 GMT

i know posting lyrics doesn't count as a post. but these lyrics have never ever been more relevant...

everyone's here, everybody's watching you now, everybody waits for you now, what happens next?

welcome to the fallout, welcome to the resistance. the tension is here, between who you are and who you could be; between how it is and how it should be.

maybe redemption has stories to tell, maybe forgiveness is right where you fell. where can you run to escape from yourself? where you gonna go? where you gonna go?

salvation is here.

i dare you to move. i dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. i dare you to move like today never happened before.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 14:07:06 GMT

it's the same all around the world. petition for 25.5 C !!!!!

Done =D says: the conference room was sooo cold

Done =D says: i sat on my laptop battery

Done =D says: to warm up

no holds barred

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 15:47:51 GMT

so i cut about 5 inches of my hair off a few weeks ago. its short now. a lot of people have asked me whether it's cuz something drastic has happened... i'm tempted to make up some crazy story involving my heart being broken, me being fired, or me having some major revelation. but no. it was just some random impulse. my conversation with my hairdresser went something like this:

hair dresser: so what should we do today?

me: hmm.. i dunno. should i cut it short?

hair dresser: hmm. ok. are you sure?

me: umm.. i guess.

2 hours later it was done. i kind of like it cuz it dries a looooot quicker and it can look kind of funky sometimes (but only if i sleep in a certain way and it gets messy and i put wax in in the right way).... but my biggest problem is that it sort of hangs all over my face and i'm really really not used to having hair in my face after 5 years of tying my hair back. it makes me mad sometimes. anyway.. guess i'll have to live with it.

i don't have a good pic of it, but here are a few pics from one of our gz caregroup meetings. please, do not ask what we're doing. i don't know either. trying to look as retarded as possible is my best guess...

anyway.. my gz girls caregroup is something i wanted to talk about as well. i feel so incredibly blessed that i have a group of girls that i can talk to every week about God... and often for hours & hours... our record was from 8pm-3am (with work the next day... it was tough). i also have another bible study group during lunch that i just love... cuz everyone is so smart and there's always some interesting conversation going when we read the Word together. but that one is more 'hush hush' cuz we actually do it at work... and i'm not sure what the china / company policy is regarding that.

i never imagined this to be possible. there really is nothing like being able to share with people who understand exactly what you're going through without having to explain anything... not only in the context of work but also in the context of God. sometimes i stop and think... dare i believe this to be true? in my workplace? in China? this is a living reminder to me that i should never ever put God in a box, to assume that He is predictable or try to guess what His plans are... He's able to infiltrate any organization, break down any barrier, soften any heart... really, who am i to think i can even begin to imagine what He is capable of? it reminds me of one of my favorite passages in the Bible...there is really none like this one to humble me and make me feel really really really small & insignificant compared to our Maker...

"Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said: who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Prepare to defend yourself; I will question you, and you shall answer me.Where we you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!

Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness? Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this. What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings?...Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of the hail, which I reserve for times of trouble, for days of war and battle? What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed, or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth? Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm, to water a land where no one lives, an uninhabited desert, to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass? Does the rain have a father? Who fathers the drops of dew? From whose womb comes the ice? Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens when the waters become hard as stone, when the surface of the deep is frozen?" (Job 38:1-5, 16-20, 22-30)

MASAI MARA

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 17:17:34 GMT

so i went on a 9-day safari to masai mara, kenya - one of the places in the world with the highest concentration of wildlife. even tho this is my third time on an african safari, the continent never ceases to amaze...

Lord, i thank you for your creation. and i thank You for blessing me with the experience to witness its every perfect breath-taking detail. Amen!

every year the migration (zebra, wildebeest, gazelles, impalas etc) moves around in a circle between kenya + tanzania, and one of the most dangerous things they do is to cross the mara river... it usually starts with one brave individual...

once he's made it, everyone else follows...

chaos is... when thousands of wildebeest rush to cross at the same time....

this series below illustrates:

why you should never swim alone
why you should always swim in the right direction
why you should never swim towards a crocodile
wildbeest aren't that smart...

bye bye buddy, we'll miss you...

full & satisfied

we were lucky enough to see a black rhino... they're pretty rare, only around 40+ in the entire masai mara... it seems as though the zebra are just as shocked as we are to see one...

kind of cute... and kind of dirty cuz he was just rolling in mud...

up close and personal...

hi i am pretending to be a log

large medium small

every sunset was different... here the sky was burning...

vultures on the lookout

one day we saw a lioness kill... there's a whole series of pix (i went a little crazy with the shutter) but here are the representative ones:

peek-a-boo i see food

she stalked for a looooong time and then disappeared... then the next thing we saw was something speeding thru the grass...

gotcha! (wildebeest not looking so happy)

the look of a seasoned killer

i tried to learn from the lioness

beginning the stalk

rawr!

not very successful

maybe next time...

family portrait: mom on the left, big cubs in the middle, smaller guys on the right

the little one refused to pose for the camera...

dad wanted to pose by himself

and again, looking pensive

this time for GQ

another one with his mane blowing in the wind...

my fav cat, the cheetah

she was pregnant and kind of fat. gorgeous nevertheless in my opinion... i'd want to look hot like that when i'm pregnant...

if you've ever watched the bbc program big cat diary, this is the famous leopard bella

zero civilization

lion s&m porn

spot the headrest

my dad is a great tracker, he spotted kike the cheetah despite the way she was heavily camouflaged while..erm..standing on our hood...

oh here's a sad picture... one lioness caught a baby bunny... it looks like a toy in her mouth

that's it folks!

(that's me and our amazing fantastic guide ian)

btw, if you really love animals, or are really really bored, or would like to see 20 copies of what looks like the same picture, then you can visit my flickr for mooooore...

Friday, August 25, 2006

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 14:39:27 GMT

mcsweeney's shines again!

Anticlimatic Retellings of Near-Death Experiences Rejected for Inclusion in a Forthcoming Talk-Show Segment Entitled Life, Death & Beyond

Bedtime Stories by Thom Yorke

and i know 2 hilariously funny article links don't qualify as a post, and i will put up pix of africa soon, i promise =p

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 01:40:32 GMT

evie, this is for you:

juliana. says:
check out this icon
juliana. says:
i love it
juliana. says:

ev says:
hahaha
ev says:
narcoleptic
ev says:
reminds me of
ev says:
... me
juliana. says:
AHAHAHA
juliana. says:
dude i want to post this online
ev says:
it already is online
ev says:
lol
juliana. says:
...
ev says:
post it on your xanga
juliana. says:
i will

and i just wanted to say: gee, welcome back to asia. you've done well in spreading the fob culture in the land of the west, but its about time you came back to be re-educated. *^o^* (i aym so kyUtie!)

i'm tired

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 08:36:20 GMT

i'm just so very tired. most of it is physical cuz i've slept only 2 hours since 12 noon yesterday, and that's just managed to accentuate all the other forms of tiredness - mental, emotional, etc... and its all culminating into this huge wave that's crashing over me now as i write.

my parents are arguing again. and they're in the middle of nowhere in ghana and i feel so helpless cuz i can't see the body language and hear the words exchanged and i'm not there to step in as 'mediator' when and if it turns sour. all i can do is sit here and wait until thursday when i see dad; in the meantime my stomach is knotting up and my brain is wearing itself out jumping from one imagined "worst possible scenario" to another.

my knuckles are turning white from gripping onto the reins of my emotions. have you ever tried to change your heart through sheer willpower for an extended period of time? anyone who's tried knows its impossible. you can't even control your physical heartbeat, let alone stop your heart's emotions from running wild and laying itself out there, vulnerable. you try to coax it back, drag it back, put up a fence around it and lock it up but it always manages to outsmart you. and it drains you because from the day you began you already knew you were fighting a losing battle to control your heart.

my work is the least of my concerns, but the fact that it's sitting there, piling up as i'm taking the day off, is difficult to forget. my workload has never been so heavy before. its like a big ball of tangled string and i'm still looking for the ends so i can begin unraveling it. i know the barrier is mostly mental and i know how to approach it, with patience - proceeding step by step to work out the kinks, but i just can't find the energy to do it. like any ball of crumpled string it just lies there, looking at you pathetically, silently taunting you and bugging you.

my spiritual walk has come to a standstill. i've been jogging along at a nice pace, in the right direction, and over the course of the last 12 hours its like i've stepped into a void. i can roughly remember the right direction but i just can't bring my foot to take one more step. i'm just lying on the floor of my room now with my laptop and i'm sad to say i feel like i don't even have the energy to open my mouth and pray. my mind is playing around with formulating a prayer but my mouth seems to have sealed itself shut.

and the overwhelming irony of it all is that i asked for it. i asked God to teach me how to be dependant on Him; i've asked Him to un-do within me the many forms of 'independance' that i've managed to cultivate over the past 23+ years; to take away my need to control, to take away my need to have things done my way, to take away my refusal to become fully vulnerable and really trust and rely on someone. i wanted Him to teach me how to put all my eggs into the basket that He's carrying for me, and now He's saying 'righty-o, let's get round to it'.

but i don't even know how to begin. i'm looking at these fragile eggs i'm holding in my hand and i'm looking at the basket He's carrying and its like i've forgotten how to put things down. it seems like a long fall. my heart's crying out for God to teach me but i have my hand on its mouth to muffle the sound. i need to make a decision here. i'm choosing between continuing to try to figure it out myself or just letting go and dropping the eggs, and hoping that God's going to be there to catch them. i have no reason not to trust that He's going to be there and He has never let me down. but its easy to say: dude, just let go, you know God's going to be there. it is much much harder to put it into practice.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 01:35:11 GMT

work's been kinda crazy lately and i've taken to writing short notes to remind myself of things i need to do, except i think the notes are a little bit too short and i don't know what they mean anymore.. =(

for example there's one that says "music female collagen" - it took me a while to figure out that i had to call our agency up to change these things on one of our ads...

and this one i still can't figure out: "kevin elastic string" hmm. ?!?